What I Really Fear The Most

It is well known that Aspergians are uncomfortable with social interactions.  In my own case, that discomfort has often escalated to paralyzing fear, especially where interactions with women are concerned.  I have struggled with this fear for many years, along with my difficulty in explaining it to those of the neurotypical persuasion.  I will tell you point blank that the fear of rejection is by no means my greatest fear.

I recently found an online article about the club scene in and around Chicago's near southwestern suburbs (Berwyn, Cicero, Stickney, etc) that best summarizes my fears.  I live approximately 40 km away from this area.  This article is a stern warning to all singles (especially men) to stay away from all bars and nightclubs in the area.  These establishments are "strictly for couples and groups of 3 or more", and completely off limits to singles.  Patrons of these places are known to complain to club management, as well as call the police and press criminal charges, on any single person who does something so harmless as glancing their way at their favorite hangout, even felony charges like harassment and stalking. These charges don't necessarily have to be filed by the ladies themselves.  If it weren't bad enough to be physically beaten to a bloody pulp by a possessive husband/boyfriend, I would also face the strong possibility of serious jail time just for trying to approach someone I find attractive.  I usually go to great lengths to avoid bars, night clubs, parties, and other social gatherings for these very reasons.

While the article refers only to the social scene of a particular area, I have to face this fear everywhere I go, such as at work or at the gym, and in everything I do, even in my online interactions. I have been threatened with such charges on several occasions myself, one of which forced me to resign from my job and move away from where I was living at the time.  I have permanently deleted my Facebook, MySpace, and Google+ accounts for this very reason.

I never intend any offense or disrespect towards anyone.  If I am somewhere and I ever get wind that someone is uncomfortable with me being there, then I will leave and never return.  If you ask me to leave you alone, then I will not only comply with your request but I will go to great lengths to ensure that our paths will never cross again, in either the real world or the virtual world, even if that means resigning from my job and leaving town for good.  I am really much more reasonable than many people believe me to be.

Text Before Calling

Hi.  Many of you have probably noticed by now that I prefer to send you a text or email before calling you on the phone.  I make a considerable effort to strictly adhere to this personal policy as a gesture of respect.  I am merely trying to be very considerate and respectful by not calling you when you're working or otherwise occupied.  I would love to chat with you, preferably in person, at a mutually convenient time.  I also have a very busy schedule and ask that you please extend the same courtesy to me.  I usually turn my phone off while I'm at work in accordance with a company policy I am charged with enforcing.  What right have I to enforce a rule or policy unless I intend to abide by it myself?

Thank you for your understanding and cooperation in this matter.

No More Social Networking

I have discovered, much to my great horror, that social networking websites are totally addictive and a serious threat to my personal privacy and security.  I found that I was on Facebook several hours a day, wasting time that should have been spent doing more important work.  Except for my immediate family, nearly all of my Facebook "friends" were people I have not seen or heard from since high school.  I was wasting my time reading about everyone else's drama.  Granted, only with a random visit to a friend's Facebook page did I find out about her untimely death, several weeks later.  I had known earlier that she was diagnosed with cancer and that her (third) husband had recently passed away.  During my last phone conversation with her, she told me that she was leaving for Michigan to visit her family.  I suspected that she was going there to spend her final days with her family, and my suspicion proved to be accurate.  The worst of it was that I never had a chance to say a proper goodbye to her.  I must also concede that I found out about my 30-year Class Reunion through Facebook.  I also realized that while social networking has its benefits for many people, it is no longer for me.

Despite the fact that I had set my security and privacy on Facebook and Google+ to the maximum security levels and that I have usually been very careful about what I posted on these sites, I have come to the realization that what I had intended as innocuous remarks had been taken out of their intended context by people for whom those remarks were not intended, possibly endangering my life and those of people who I hold very dear.  Furthermore, I believe that neither the Government nor private companies have any business snooping about my private affairs.

Therefore, after many months of agonizing contemplation and several discussions with my attorney, I have finally acted on my decision to permanently delete my Facebook and Google+ accounts.  For professional reasons, I am maintaining my LinkedIn account for the short term.  It is far better to have a small number of real close friends than it is to have hundreds of fake friends. 

You can still contact me via my personal website, BillLawless.me , or via this blog.  The official websites for my novels, toplessdelivery.com and foreverautumn.us, are still active and have some new features.  Please be sure to check them out.

A New Calling

I think I may have found my true calling.  After creating three websites in as many weeks, my personal website and one for each of my two novels, I would love to pursue a new career in website design or somewhere in the field of information technology (IT).

My personal website

My novels' websites are:

"Topless Delivery - The Myrtle Beach Experience"

"Forever Autumn - The Myrtle Beach Experience Continues"

Website design and development would be an ideal career for someone who is creative but uncomfortable dealing with the public all the time.  I would like to take some courses in cybersecurity as well as HTML, XML, and Java programming before I make it a career.

50th Anniversary Reception

Today is my parents' 50th Wedding Anniversary. My sisters and I are throwing a fancy reception for them tonight. Social events have always been a major challenge for me, as with most Aspergians, but tonight will be particularly difficult with many of my relatives in town. I think I was wise to not invite a guest for she would have been subjected to intense interrogation by my entire family. I feel like it's just another "dog and pony show" where I am under enormous pressure to make a good impression on everyone. I am keeping a very low profile tonight.