Social and Communicative Challenges for Aspergians

Unlike most people with Kanner, or "Classic" Autism who are socially withdrawn, many Aspergians try very hard to be social when we become aware of the need for social interaction in our lives…and will approach other people, albeit awkwardly.  At least, we are willing to reach out to others.  We may engage in long-winded or one-sided conversations with others about our favorite subjects.  We are often unaware of the nonverbal cues of disinterest or discomfort that others may give.   This apparent disregard for the feelings and sensitivities of other people may be mistakenly interpreted as insensitivity, inconsideration, and/or downright rudeness on our part.  Such misunderstandings often lead to social rejection, physical violence, and/or police involvement.  We certainly mean no offense to others.

While we may be able to use our cognitive abilities to articulate social norms in a tightly controlled environment, we have a great deal of difficulty acting upon this knowledge in real life.   While most people find social interaction exhilirating, we find them to be physically and mentally draining because we have to consciously think about what to say and do around other people.  I rarely have any difficulty talking to one or two close friends who accept me for who I am, but when I am at a large group gathering, such as at a party or even at a church service, I get overwhelmed quite easily.  If you notice that I am not looking directly at you when you talk to me, please be assured that I am paying attention to you.  I can usually focus on only one sensory input channel at a time.  There is certainly no rudeness or disrespect intended on my part.

If the entire world is a stage and we are merely actors, then would someone please pass me a script?  I have no idea what is happening or how I should act here.  For an Aspergian, learning the rules of social interaction is very similar to learning a foreign language.  We can learn the vocabulary, structure, and syntax of a new language much more easily than we can learn the subtle nuances, or the pragmatics, of that language.

Aspergians are well known for their strict adherence to rules and policies…even when those rules and policies make no practical sense.  Even worse, I often find some of my own rules to be contradictory.  In other words, I cannot follow one rule without violating another.  Is it any wonder I am so confused?  For example, if I follow the rules of speaking only when directly spoken to and going only where I am explicitly invited, then how do I reach out to others?  I am one who feels compelled to abide by company conduct policies even when I am off duty.  The probable reason for this is because I believe that one should always conduct oneself according to a single set of rules in order to avoid any confusion.  I cannot tolerate any inconsistencies.