Lawless 2.0

After a very successful 4-week Specialisterne Autism@Work program at Deloitte in Lake Mary, Florida, I am about to make a radical change in my life.  I have received, and accepted, a temporary position as a Cyber Risk Intern at Deloitte.  If all goes well with the 12-week well-paid internship, then I will be working there on a regular permanent basis.  It has become very self-evident that Deloitte is a firm that really knows how to take care of its people with its supportive and nurturing corporate culture.  The journey begins on Monday, 3 June 2019 after celebrating my retirement from a 30-year career in food service and delivery with a hard-earned and badly-needed holiday at sea with Heather.  I would like to thank her for her love and support during this very challenging period in my life.  The only downside to the career change is that Heather and I will be living apart during the regular workweek, which is better than a 2-hour commute in each direction.  She will move down to Lake Mary during the Fall of 2019, once she retires from her county government job.  She has taken good care of me for the last 3+ years.  Now it's my turn to take even better care of her.

Lawless 1.0 is dead...and good riddance!  Lawless 2.0 is here!

Silent Running

There are many people around me who criticize my self-effacing style.  My preferred style as of late is to draw as little attention to myself as possible, or in other words, make certain that my presence is as inconspicuous as possible wherever I happen to be.  In order to not "offend" or "bother" others, I paid heed to my late father's advice to "keep my mouth shut and stay out of sight."  I have been taught at home and at church that modesty and humility are noble virtues for me to live by.  Perhaps I have taken those lessons to heart a little bit too strongly.  Self-effacement is commonly defined as the extreme application of humility and modesty.  The old adage, "Speak only when spoken to", also plays into the policy of self-effacement.  My typical response to those criticisms is an explanation that for many years I have equated self-effacement with survival.

Silent Running is not just for submarines anymore.

A New Beginning

We just want to share our story with you of how the best things can happen when you least expect them. When both of us booked our cruises individually, neither one of us expected to meet our life partner. In fact, we were both wondering if that person really existed at all.

Bill's story...

At the time of my very first cruise aboard the Norwegian Epic during Christmas 2013 with my family, I was resigned to the cruise being a once in a lifetime experience. I had such a wonderful time aboard the Epic that I had become addicted to the cruising lifestyle and it was then I decided to make a cruise an annual event. While on the Epic, I learned about the Studio cabins and special activities for solo travelers. With my 50th birthday coming up, I decided to use my income tax refund to book one of these Studio cabins. When I embarked on my very first solo cruise on 25 July 2015 aboard the Norwegian Getaway, all I wanted to do was to celebrate my 50th birthday in a very special way.

I first learned about Heather when I logged onto the Roll Call thread on Cruise Critic. Each of us were regular contributors to this particular thread. We have so much in common that I knew I had to meet her once we were all on board. When we first met in the Studio Lounge on Embarkation Day, during an informal gathering of my fellow solo travelers immediately after the Muster Drill, I was not to be disappointed.

It turned out that I was to host the Cruise Critic Meet & Greet with the Officers on our first sea day. This gathering was my very first Meet & Greet so I had no idea what to expect. Heather and I had such a great time that we produced our very first video project together, which is now available on YouTube.

Heather's story...

When I initially made my vacation plans for the last week of July 2015, I was planning on driving to another state to see some friends and celebrate my 43rd birthday with them. About three weeks before I was to leave on my road trip, those plans fell through, leaving me wondering what to do for a vacation. The first thing that popped into my mind was a cruise--definitely the ideal way to spend a birthday. Having been on 3 cruises with my now ex-husband, I was no stranger to cruising. The first of those cruises was on the Norwegian Sun in January 2003. While I enjoyed it, the husband wasn't crazy about it, so the next two cruises were on another line before he and I eventually split up. I wanted to give NCL another try and the solo cabins appealed to me, so I booked one exactly 3 weeks to the day before sailing. I was really looking forward to a week of rest, relaxation, and fun.

Bill actually came onto my radar before we left Miami on July 25th. Shortly after booking the cruise, I logged onto Cruise Critic and found the Roll Call thread for the July 25th sailing of the Getaway and I introduced myself. As I was scrolling through the posts, I noticed that he had been posting fairly frequently. I was totally intrigued by what this man had to say. I knew I had to meet him once we were all on board. The informal meeting of the solo travelers in the Studio Lounge after the muster drill on embarkation day would be the perfect opportunity.

We finally meet...

Within a matter of a few short hours of boarding the Getaway, we met in the Studio Lounge and we totally hit it off. We became so engrossed in conversation with each other that we completely missed the Sailaway Party. After our first dinner date in the Garden Café that evening, we went up to the Freestyle Sun Deck on Deck 18. It was there, under a starry sky on a sultry night at sea, that we shared our first kiss at the front of the ship in accordance with maritime tradition. Since that fateful first night, with the exception of a couple of separately booked shore excursions, we were practically inseparable.

Upon learning that our birthdays were two days apart from each other, we celebrated our respective birthdays together with two very romantic dinners at the Taste, complete with an ocean view table which set the perfect atmosphere. Returning to our respective cabins only to find birthday decorations on the wall and various treats on our beds was certainly an unforgettable experience. What a great birthday celebration it was for both of us!

The next 4 months saw a developing long-distance relationship where we would visit each other for 4 days each month and talk on the phone for about 2 hours every night. Thank Verizon Wireless for unlimited talk and text! She would fly from Orlando to Chicago one month and I would fly down from Chicago to Orlando the next month. On my first visit to Gainesville, I proposed to Heather...and she accepted! I presented her with her engagement ring when she flew up for Thanksgiving Weekend. My mother and my sister threw her a surprise bridal shower while I was at work. Just a few days after Christmas, I resigned from my job as a General Manager at a Papa John's Pizza restaurant near Chicago, packed up my car, and moved out of my parents' house down to Heather's apartment in Gainesville, staying over at her parents' house in southern Tennessee along the way.

To make a long story short, we had converted our reservations for two separate Studio cabins to an interior cabin for what will now be our Honeymoon Cruise aboard the Norwegian Escape for the sailing on 23 July 2016. We married in a civil ceremony on 8 January 2016 at the Alachua County Civil Courthouse in Gainesville, Florida. Having met each other aboard the Getaway, we promised each other that we would take a cruise every year. This is one promise that we are determined to keep.

We have recently returned to Facebook, but we are also active on Twitter (with the handles @WDLawless1, @Heatherdw20, and @LawlessWaters). I recently attended an orientation session at CARD, primarily for parents of children on the spectrum, at the University of Florida. After listening to the staff presentations and the stories of the parents, I thought the time was right to share my own story about life on the spectrum and my recent marriage to Heather, as well as my avid desire to offer whatever assistance I can provide to CARD and to the autistic community at large. I would absolutely love to make a new career writing and speaking about autism-related subjects from a personal perspective. While a limited amount of research is available regarding relationships where one partner is on the spectrum, I have yet to find any research at all regarding relationships where both partners are on the spectrum...like us.

When not working as a Delivery Expert at Domino's or as a driver for Uber in Gainesville, I enjoy working out at the gym, traveling, writing, music, and hanging out with Heather. I also play keyboards and guitars in the worship band at Harvest Christian Church. Self-improvement has become my new focused obsession, in the form of daily workouts, adding Ballroom Dance classes, Etiquette classes, Dress for Success classes, Toastmasters meetings, and Leadership Development classes as out time and finances permit. Once I work out all the details, I would like to create a Lifestyle Enhancement Program from these components. I am also working on a proposal for the creation of a special housing unit at UF for students on the spectrum, which would ideally be a converted fraternity/sorority house on campus.

My Thoughts On The Cruise

After taking my very first cruise on the Norwegian Epic during Christmas Week 2013, I made a promise to take a cruise every year. Well, I kept that promise by sailing on the Norwegian Getaway for my 50th birthday celebration...and what a celebration it was! Like several of my fellow travelers, I tossed and turned several nights leading up to the cruise because I was so excited. 

The experience began on the morning of embarkation when two NCL staff members waited for my arrival at the Baggage Claim Area at Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport and escorted me to the bus. We arrived at the Port of Miami about 45 minutes later. Once through the security and check-in lines (I am a Bronze-Tier Latitudes Rewards member), I stopped at O'Sheehan's for lunch. I went to Guest Services in an unsuccessful attempt to join the Vibe Beach Club, which sold out while I was waiting in line. That was the only real negative about the cruise. I finally arrived in Stateroom 11573, my Studio Cabin. The little cabin is perfect for the solo traveler and located only a few meters from the Studio Lounge, where I met several of my fellow solo travelers right after the Muster Drill. One of these fellow travelers turned out to become the love of my life, and the best part is that Heather is a fellow Aspergian.  Paquito, the Solo Traveler Coordinator, deserves full marks for his efforts to make us feel right at home. We participated in several social gatherings, such as group dinners and shows, which were a lot of fun and created a bond between many of us in the group. 

I would like to thank Cruise Director J.C. Sanchez and all of the other officers for making our Meet and Greet session a most memorable experience. 

While I never dined in any of the specialty restaurants, I was very impressed with the quality and variety of food in the Garden Cafe. Heather and I had several lovely dinners at the Taste, including on our respective birthdays. Special thanks go out to Edna, our waitress at the Taste, for her excellent service. We liked the food at the Tropicana Room, where a group of solo travelers had one dinner. However, our table was too close to the dance floor for us to enjoy a good conversation due to the loud music. 

The entertainment was very good. "Burn The Floor" was the best of the main shows, although "Legally Blonde" was also very good. The comedians at Headliners were good, although I liked the opening act slightly better. The Glow Party was an experience not to be missed. I really enjoyed watching the fireworks show from one of the hot tubs. 

Among the shore excursions, I found the St. John Champagne Catamaran Sail & Snorkel to be my favorite. Captain Teresa and the lovely ladies making up her crew made the trip a lot of fun. I followed that with a trip up to Paradise Point, where the views were spectacular. The food and drinks, however, were a bit pricey for middling quality. I really enjoyed the trip to the Baths at Virgin Gorda, although I wish we had a little more time to enjoy the beach. There is very little shopping near the port in Tortola, although that will change once the construction is completed. Although I am not all that wild about Nassau, I really had a lot of fun on the parasailing adventure. I liked the great variety of shopping near the port. 

Believe it or not, I tackled the Free Fall Water Slide...twice and then walked the plank on the ropes course. That was a lot of fun. 

Disembarkation was the saddest part of the trip because I had to say a tearful goodbye to Heather and go back home to reality. We already booked next year's cruise aboard the NCL Escape. We can hardly wait. 

An Aspergian At Sea

Hi.  A lot has happened since my last post.  I am less than one week from embarking on my first solo cruise aboard the Norwegian Getaway.  I will celebrate the Big 5-0 while on this cruise and have made several major investments in preparing for the trip.

Several weeks ago, I summoned the courage to sign up for ballroom dance lessons at a dance studio in Tinley Park, Illinois.  I have weekly lessons focusing on the Rumba, Salsa, and East Coast Swing. Much to my surprise, I actually have a sense of rhythm!  I reckon that being a "closet musician" actually works to my advantage.  Another advantage is that I am learning to dance to music with which I grew up, classic rock and oldies.  As my dancing improves, so will my self-confidence.  I am already feeling the changes in my own social interactions.

Today, I went down to a quarry near Bradley, Illinois for my first snorkeling lesson.  I can hardly wait to go snorkeling in the Caribbean, as part of a shore excursion in St. Thomas, US Virgin Islands. Breathing through a tube in my mouth was initially very uncomfortable, but I am starting to become more comfortable with practice.  I forgot to bring my waterproof video camera.  Oh well.  Another personal obstacle goes by the wayside.  I completed the academic and open-water segments of the class today.  I am starting to open up.  Wow!

I have also joined an Online Roll Call for the cruise and have successfully arranged a Meet and Greet session with the Getaway's officers and 30 of my fellow travelers.  This session will take place on Sunday, the first full day at sea.  I look forward to meeting my fellow travelers.

Next on my agenda after the cruise are Etiquette and Dress For Success classes, as well as monthly Toastmasters meetings on the Governors State University campus.  GSU is my Alma Mater.  In addition to the Ballroom Dance classes and daily workouts, these classes will form the components of a project that I would like to submit to school districts for the enhancement of students' lives.  I will discuss this project in greater detail in future posts.

What I Really Fear The Most

It is well known that Aspergians are uncomfortable with social interactions.  In my own case, that discomfort has often escalated to paralyzing fear, especially where interactions with women are concerned.  I have struggled with this fear for many years, along with my difficulty in explaining it to those of the neurotypical persuasion.  I will tell you point blank that the fear of rejection is by no means my greatest fear.

I recently found an online article about the club scene in and around Chicago's near southwestern suburbs (Berwyn, Cicero, Stickney, etc) that best summarizes my fears.  I live approximately 40 km away from this area.  This article is a stern warning to all singles (especially men) to stay away from all bars and nightclubs in the area.  These establishments are "strictly for couples and groups of 3 or more", and completely off limits to singles.  Patrons of these places are known to complain to club management, as well as call the police and press criminal charges, on any single person who does something so harmless as glancing their way at their favorite hangout, even felony charges like harassment and stalking. These charges don't necessarily have to be filed by the ladies themselves.  If it weren't bad enough to be physically beaten to a bloody pulp by a possessive husband/boyfriend, I would also face the strong possibility of serious jail time just for trying to approach someone I find attractive.  I usually go to great lengths to avoid bars, night clubs, parties, and other social gatherings for these very reasons.

While the article refers only to the social scene of a particular area, I have to face this fear everywhere I go, such as at work or at the gym, and in everything I do, even in my online interactions. I have been threatened with such charges on several occasions myself, one of which forced me to resign from my job and move away from where I was living at the time.  I have permanently deleted my Facebook, MySpace, and Google+ accounts for this very reason.

I never intend any offense or disrespect towards anyone.  If I am somewhere and I ever get wind that someone is uncomfortable with me being there, then I will leave and never return.  If you ask me to leave you alone, then I will not only comply with your request but I will go to great lengths to ensure that our paths will never cross again, in either the real world or the virtual world, even if that means resigning from my job and leaving town for good.  I am really much more reasonable than many people believe me to be.

Text Before Calling

Hi.  Many of you have probably noticed by now that I prefer to send you a text or email before calling you on the phone.  I make a considerable effort to strictly adhere to this personal policy as a gesture of respect.  I am merely trying to be very considerate and respectful by not calling you when you're working or otherwise occupied.  I would love to chat with you, preferably in person, at a mutually convenient time.  I also have a very busy schedule and ask that you please extend the same courtesy to me.  I usually turn my phone off while I'm at work in accordance with a company policy I am charged with enforcing.  What right have I to enforce a rule or policy unless I intend to abide by it myself?

Thank you for your understanding and cooperation in this matter.

No More Social Networking

I have discovered, much to my great horror, that social networking websites are totally addictive and a serious threat to my personal privacy and security.  I found that I was on Facebook several hours a day, wasting time that should have been spent doing more important work.  Except for my immediate family, nearly all of my Facebook "friends" were people I have not seen or heard from since high school.  I was wasting my time reading about everyone else's drama.  Granted, only with a random visit to a friend's Facebook page did I find out about her untimely death, several weeks later.  I had known earlier that she was diagnosed with cancer and that her (third) husband had recently passed away.  During my last phone conversation with her, she told me that she was leaving for Michigan to visit her family.  I suspected that she was going there to spend her final days with her family, and my suspicion proved to be accurate.  The worst of it was that I never had a chance to say a proper goodbye to her.  I must also concede that I found out about my 30-year Class Reunion through Facebook.  I also realized that while social networking has its benefits for many people, it is no longer for me.

Despite the fact that I had set my security and privacy on Facebook and Google+ to the maximum security levels and that I have usually been very careful about what I posted on these sites, I have come to the realization that what I had intended as innocuous remarks had been taken out of their intended context by people for whom those remarks were not intended, possibly endangering my life and those of people who I hold very dear.  Furthermore, I believe that neither the Government nor private companies have any business snooping about my private affairs.

Therefore, after many months of agonizing contemplation and several discussions with my attorney, I have finally acted on my decision to permanently delete my Facebook and Google+ accounts.  For professional reasons, I am maintaining my LinkedIn account for the short term.  It is far better to have a small number of real close friends than it is to have hundreds of fake friends. 

You can still contact me via my personal website, BillLawless.me , or via this blog.  The official websites for my novels, toplessdelivery.com and foreverautumn.us, are still active and have some new features.  Please be sure to check them out.

A New Calling

I think I may have found my true calling.  After creating three websites in as many weeks, my personal website and one for each of my two novels, I would love to pursue a new career in website design or somewhere in the field of information technology (IT).

My personal website

My novels' websites are:

"Topless Delivery - The Myrtle Beach Experience"

"Forever Autumn - The Myrtle Beach Experience Continues"

Website design and development would be an ideal career for someone who is creative but uncomfortable dealing with the public all the time.  I would like to take some courses in cybersecurity as well as HTML, XML, and Java programming before I make it a career.

50th Anniversary Reception

Today is my parents' 50th Wedding Anniversary. My sisters and I are throwing a fancy reception for them tonight. Social events have always been a major challenge for me, as with most Aspergians, but tonight will be particularly difficult with many of my relatives in town. I think I was wise to not invite a guest for she would have been subjected to intense interrogation by my entire family. I feel like it's just another "dog and pony show" where I am under enormous pressure to make a good impression on everyone. I am keeping a very low profile tonight.

Advice To All Aspiring Writers

The best piece of advice that I can offer to an aspiring writer is to know when to put down your pen, step away from your laptop, and write with your heart. There are many nights when I wake up from a dream, dash over to my laptop, and start typing. Writing is my way of communicating with the neurotypical world. I wrote and published my novels not to make money, but to tell a story. I ask my readers to keep an open heart and mind when reading my novels, blogs, or websites. You will see the world through my eyes and get a better understanding of who I really am.

How To Care For An Introvert

Most Aspergians are introverts by our very nature.  Here are a few basic rules to follow when relating to us.

1.  Respect our need for privacy.

2.  Never embarrass us in public.

3.  Let us observe first in new situations.

4.  Give us time to think.  Don't demand instant answers.

5.  Don't interrupt us.

6.  Give us advance notice of unexpected changes in our lives.

7.  Give us 15-minute warnings to finish whatever we are doing.

8.  Reprimand us privately.

9.  Teach us new skills privately.

10. Enable us to find one best friend who has similar interests and abilities.

11. Don't push us to make lots of friends.

12. Respect our introversion.  Don't try to remake us into extroverts.

Living in Seclusion

Living in seclusion high above the city,
I see the mass of humanity down below.
Wishing I could connect with them in some way,
I know better than to approach those I don't know.

Living in fear of how others will judge me,
Knowing that many people wish me harm,
I wish I could extend a friendly hand,
Without fear of losing my entire arm.

Living in fear of appearing rude and boorish,
I've learned to keep my heart to myself.
Loneliness and depression are all I know,
Having put my human desires on the shelf.

Living without even the basic relationships,
That many take for granted every day,
I only wish I could reach out to touch you.
If only you could show me the way.

Notice to the Public

WARNING: Any person and/or institution and/or Agent and/or Agency of any governmental structure including but not limited to the United States Federal Government also using or monitoring/using this website or any of its associated websites, you do NOT have my permission to utilize any of my profile information nor any of the content contained herein including, but not limited to my photographs, and/or the comments made about my photographs or any other "art" related posts on my profile. You are hereby notified that you are strictly prohibited from disclosing, copying, distributing, disseminating, or taking any other action against me with regard to this profile and the contents herein. The foregoing prohibitions also apply to your employee(s), agent(s), student(s) or any personnel under your direction or control. The contents of this profile are private and legally privileged and confidential information, and the violation of my personal privacy is punishable by law.

UCC 1-103 1-308 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED WITHOUT PREJUDICE

The Aspergian Heart Is A Lonely Hunter

If only you of the neurotypical persuasion could ever understand that we Aspergians have feelings too...and it hurts us just as much when somebody steps on them. Asperger Syndrome is a hereditary neurological condition, not an "attitude problem" or a "behavior" problem. While we may occasionally appear to be inconsiderate, insensitive, and/or downright rude, we never mean any such offense towards you. Such misunderstandings have resulted in social rejection, physical violence, and/or police involvement. I've also lost jobs, friendships, and even relationships as a result.

I have something more to say to the ladies. If you actually take the time to get to know me for who and what I am, you'll see that I'm actually not the "creep" or "monster" that some of you may have made me out to be. I'M MORE AFRAID OF YOU THAN YOU ARE OF ME!

UNLESS YOU HAVE WALKED A FEW KILOMETERS IN MY SHOES, WHAT RIGHT HAVE ANY OF YOU TO JUDGE ME?!?

Social Stories Software Program

Let's create a Virtual Reality game program to teach the "Social Stories" to autistic people. The technology currently used to teach them is absolutely incredible. For example, on my visit to the Chicago Autism Academy in Frankfort, I saw a couple of kids who are completely nonverbal use iPads to communicate with their teachers and with each other. These kids take to technology surprisingly well! 

Sharing My Experiences

Today I paid a visit to the Chicago Autism Academy, a small private therapeutic day school for children on the Autism Spectrum.  The primary purpose of this prearranged visit was to investigate volunteering opportunities at the school.  The Principal of the Academy invited me to give a couple of talks at the school.  One of these talks would be a motivational chat with a group of students and the other would be with a group of parents.  It was also suggested that I visit a few local schools to teach students, teachers, and parents about Autism Spectrum Disorders and acceptance of those on the spectrum.  I look forward to the opportunity to share my insights and experiences with the world.

Rules of Social Interaction

MY RULES OF INTERACTING WITH THE SOCIAL WORLD:

1. Please do not attempt to call me without sending a text or e-mail message first.   I do have an extremely busy schedule between work, working out, and writing.

2. Please keep a minimum distance of 2 meters unless I invite you to draw closer.

3. Please limit the discussion to the business at hand...and remind me to do likewise.

4. I will not speak to a married woman...on a social level...unless her husband is present and grants me permission to do so...if at all possible.
 

5. I will not allow myself to be alone with any woman other than my partner.

6. I will interact with others on a social level only when explicitly invited to do so.

I understand that these rules may seem extreme to many of you, but they are the only way I can prevent any appearance of impropriety on my part.   Once burned, twice shy.

Thank you for your understanding.

A New Day Dawning

A man is unwelcome in his homeland.  Where else can he turn?

In his heart are pain and resentment.  How long must he burn?

Society has judged him as totally worthless.  Where is his will to live?

I know his story only too well...for it is mine to give.

Late one dark and lonely night, when there was not a hope in sight,

I saw a most brilliant light.

I know the Lord is with me.

The Way, the Truth, the Light.

I see a new day dawning.

He turns my darkness into light.

There was a time not very long ago, when I was not so strong.

Broken promises...shattered dreams.  What more could go wrong?

The people I thought were my friends...conspired to bring me down.

The time has come to change my life.  I must cast aside this thorny crown.

These changes cost me every friend I had.  Yet I feel not the least bit sad.

To see the results I 'm so very glad.

I know the Lord is with me.

The Way, the Truth, the Light.

I see a new day dawning.

He turns my darkness into light.

Why Aspergians Hate Large Group Interactions

A question many people ask about Asperger Syndrome is: Why do Aspergians hate interacting with large groups of people?  To answer this question, I think of a mathematical model of the number of different connections between computers in a network.  In a social context, we treat each person involved in the interaction as a node in the network.  Each of these connections is bidirectional.  As one can clearly see in the table below, the number of connections increases in a combinatorial fashion as more people join the group.  Therefore, it becomes increasingly difficult to pay full attention to what everyone is saying to one another.

# of People                        # of Communication Links

2	0 + 1 = 1
3	0 + 1 + 2 = 3
4	0 + 1 + 2 + 3 = 6
5	0 + 1 + 2 + 3 + 4 = 10
6	0 + 1 + 2 + 3 + 4 + 5 = 15
…	…
n	= n(n-1)/2