Coming Out of a Different Closet

The following is an example of a letter, originally prepared by the Asperger Association of New England, which I would use to disclose and explain my condition or, in other words, “come out” to a new employer.


11 September 2010

Mr. John Holmes
ABC Company
201 W. Springfield Avenue, #1200
Champaign, IL 61820

Dear Mr. Holmes:

Thank you very much for giving me the opportunity to work for ABC Company. I am looking forward to beginning work, and will try very hard to understand and fulfill all of my job responsibilities successfully. In this letter, I would like to offer you some important personal information that may affect how I perform in my new job. As you may already know, I have Asperger Syndrome (AS for short). It may be helpful if you, as my supervisor at ABC Company, understand some characteristics of AS, and some reasonable accommodations for my different learning style, so that I can become a good employee who will contribute to ABC Company’s success. Asperger Syndrome is a form of Autism characterized by normal to superior IQ, accompanied by social and communication difficulties. These difficulties stem from neurologically based sensory and information-processing disabilities. Even though I may look just like everyone else, my mind works in a significantly different way, and sometimes my behavior and reactions will not be typical.

There is wide variation in the abilities and personalities of individuals with AS, but we do have a lot in common. I have difficulty understanding another person’s perspective and reading messages that are conveyed by facial expression, or body language. This means that it is likely I will not understand office politics or I will occasionally put my foot in my mouth. On the positive side, once I understand the tasks and routines necessary to my job, I will perform them faithfully. I am honest and good-hearted. With skillful supervision, you can minimize the impact of my differences, and make the best use of my many talents and abilities. Here is a list of some suggestions for the kinds of accommodations that could help me feel comfortable and be a good employee. It would help if you, as my supervisor, can:

• Give me a written job description that spells out all of my responsibilities in detail.

• Give me specific, detailed, instructions for each new task that you assign to me.

• Present all new information in writing, rather than just orally.

• Give me a little extra time or coaching to master a new task or absorb new information.

• If possible, meet with me briefly at the beginning of each day to review and prioritize the day’s agenda, and to forewarn me about any upcoming changes in the schedule/routine. (If more convenient, we could meet at the end of each day to preview the next workday.) I can adapt well and handle abrupt transitions or surprises if I am forewarned.

• Let me know to whom I should turn (and when and how) with questions about my work assignments - to you, and/or an identified co-worker?

• Give me an explicit, detailed list of rules governing workplace protocol around such matters as appropriate dress, timing and length of breaks, when and where conversation with other employees is allowed. (I will probably not be able to intuit these rules for myself.)

• Try to allow me to focus on and complete one task at a time. If an interruption is unavoidable, please allow me a short time to adjust.

• If I say or do something inappropriate, I do not intend to be rude – I may just be neurologically overwhelmed. If this happens, please just give a chance to take a break and calm myself. Later we can discuss how to handle similar situations better.

• Try to avoid assigning me tasks where there are pressing deadlines, difficult personalities to deal with, or other factors that can ignite my anxieties.

• Understand that even though I may not make eye contact with you while you are speaking to me, I am listening to you. (It is often difficult to process both auditory and visual information simultaneously.)

• Meet with me regularly and frequently to let me know how I am doing. Acknowledge whatever I am doing well. If you need to give me negative feedback, the most effective approach is to suggest in a calm and neutral way any concrete steps I can take to correct the mistakes.

• Due to our “disability”, people with AS have trouble understanding other people’s viewpoints. I may sometimes say things that are unintentionally hurtful or abrupt. I may need your feedback to realize this behavior is inappropriate, and replace it with more acceptable behavior.

• Recognize and accept my social or sensory limitations. Limit the amount of contact I have with the general public, and the amount of time I must interact with large groups or work in noisy settings. After working with a group, I may need a “sensory break” – a walk to the mailbox, or some time working alone at a task in a quiet part of the office.

• Be patient and flexible. If you give directions and feedback calmly, I will feel less anxious, and can perform my best work for you.

• Help me decide if other people in the company should know I have AS. If personnel officers and co-workers can show understanding and accept me for who I am, they can help me succeed.

• Be compassionate. I have met with a great deal of misunderstanding and failure in the past, despite my best efforts to meet society’s expectations. Although I may not always remember to express my thanks verbally, I will reward your patient supervisory efforts with a solid, reliable work performance.

If you would like more information, you are welcome to call the Asperger Association of New England (AANE). AANE is a small non-profit agency founded in 1996, with a mission of fostering awareness, respect, acceptance, and support for individuals with Asperger Syndrome. They provide programs for individuals with AS, their families, and those in the community who work with them, including employers. You are always welcome to call them, to tap into their knowledge and experience of AS. They can refer you to additional resources. They can be reached at 1-617-383-3824. Thank you very much for taking the time to think about this important information. I look forward to working with you.

Sincerely,

William D. Lawless, MBA

Research Analyst

When writing the actual letter to an employer, I strongly recommend that an Aspergian use only the above bullet points that are directly relevant to his/her personal situation and to the position. I would also recommend making the disclosure to colleagues and clients only on a need-to-know basis. My personal experience is that not everyone is as understanding or as accepting as they should be. Many people fear what they do not understand. The diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome should be otherwise mentioned only when certain types of inappropriate behavior are noticed as the behaviors are usually the result of the differences in how we perceive the world around us and are not malicious in nature.

My Current Project

As you have probably noticed on the heading of this blog, I am currently writing a book about Asperger Syndrome through the eyes of a man who has the condition.  Some people have asked me about the condition.  I don't like to think of Asperger Syndrome as a disease because it is literally a difference in how my brain is wired.  As such, it is no more a disease than is being left-handed...or being gay.  In my book, I will share some of the science surrounding Asperger Syndrome and share some of my personal experiences related to the condition.  In future postings on this blog, I will share with you what I have learned in order to give you a better understanding of the many challenges we Aspergians (as those with AS like to be called) face on a daily basis.  I have noticed a great deal of misinformation in the mass media about Asperger Syndrome and would like to clear the air with my book and this blog. 

I have written a diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome into the character of David Lawrence, my narrator in both of my novels, "Topless Delivery - The Myrtle Beach Experience" and "Forever Autumn - The Myrtle Beach Experience Continues," in an endeavor to raise public awareness of Asperger Syndrome and other Autism Spectrum Disorders. 

A Personal Perspective

A Personal Perspective

After many years of trying in vain to explain, and to apologize, to everyone around me for what they perceive to be insensitive, inconsiderate, and/or downright offensive behavior in many of my attempts at social interaction, I went home to my only constant companion, my laptop computer, in search of an explanation.  The results of a couple of online self-diagnostic tests, confirmed by a proper evaluation at the University of Illinois Psychological Services Center, helped me to reach the unsettling reality that I am indeed afflicted with "The Horrible Asp," also known as Asperger Syndrome, which is a high-functioning form of Autism.

Growing up in a special education environment at a time when my inclusion in a regular school setting was considered potentially dangerous to myself, other students, and teachers, one could only imagine the rejection, loneliness, and isolation that had become my daily childhood experience.  Such social isolation only made a bad situation worse, as I rarely had an opportunity to develop the social skills needed to grow and evolve as a complete person.  Most attempts to socialize with my peers were met with rejection and derision, so I preferred to keep completely to myself.  Whenever my parents or sisters had company at the house, I usually disappeared into my room and locked the door.  To socialize with others would be seen as torture.  As you can imagine, I had very few friends despite my best efforts and intentions.  My first incusion in a regular school environment was as a freshman in high school and it was not at all a pretty sight.  In spite of my academic success throughout high school, my extreme shyness and inability to relate to my classmates, especially to the ladies, in any meaningful way made life in high school almost unbearable for me.  College life at the University of Illinois was even worse.  No fraternity on campus would accept me.  No employer would hire me.  No woman with any regard for her reputation, especially if she belonged to a sorority, wanted to be seen anywhere near me.  That degree of constant rejection also severely hurt my grade point average because of the severe depression that resulted.  Even when I sought help at the Counseling Center on campus, I was told that there was a four-month waiting list for counseling services.  I felt very unwelcome on campus and in my own community.  I transferred to a smaller school closer to home, where I actually made a few friends in the Student Senate and completed my degree.

Even in adulthood, I still have a great deal of difficulty making friends and establishing social, especially dating, relationships of any kind for I am still very uncomfortable in most social situations, including the workplace.  Although I have earned a Master's degree in Business Administration and have written and self-published two novels, I have difficulty establishing the social connections needed to land any kind of relevant employment.  As a result, I am very unhappy in my current pizza delivery job because I know deep down that I am worth much more than the way I am living.  Those of us who have been "bitten by the Horrible Asp," as I sometimes refer to those people with Asperger Syndrome, have many behavioral, sensory, and self-esteem challenges that we must face on a daily basis.  Potential employers would be wise to understand these challenges and to use my creative talents and energies, as well as appeal to my strong sense of justice and fairness, rather than put me in a box with rules and regulations that I usually find senseless.  While I will not blindly follow the rules for the sake of conformity, I am willing to accept and abide by those rules that are fair and equitable to all concerned.  I have absolutely no tolerance for any form of hypocrisy.  If an action is not right for one person to take, then it is not right for anyone to take.

There are many people who mistakenly believe that I have no empathy or consideration for others.  Contrary to popular belief, I care very deeply about the thoughts and feelings of others...often to a fault.  However, my greatest challenge is in appropriately expressing that empathy such that others can easily understand.  I would prefer to show my real feelings in a way that is uniquely my own.  It is often said that "mediocrity seeks safety in standardization," and that "great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."  Both of these quotes by Dr. Albert Einstein are true.  A critical lesson that I learned over the years is that anything we think, say, or do will offend someone.  Furthermore, that happens because people choose, either consciously or unconsciously, to take offense in order to control the thought, words, and actions of others.  While I endeavor to respect the feelings and opinions of others, I refuse to allow them to control my life.  Material wealth is meaningless to me unless I can maintain my own integrity.

To quote a line from the chorus of a favorite song by the Animals, "I'm just a soul whose intentions are good.  O Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood."

Asperger Syndrome is a difference, not a disease.