Coping Strategies That Work (Most of the Time)

It is critical to note here that the behavioral symptoms of Asperger Syndrome are most likely to appear in times of stress or neurological overload.  Over the years, I have developed a few strategies to calm me down in such situations.  Please keep in mind that these strategies usually, but not always, work well for me but may not necessarily work for other Aspergians.   The coping strategies I use most often are:

1.      Daily Workouts

2.      Tanning Sessions

3.      Long Road Trips

4.      Architecture

5.      Music

It is a proven fact that when we look better, we feel better about ourselves; and when we feel better about ourselves, we usually perform better.  I find that daily workouts at a local gym, preferably in the early morning, to be very effective in reducing stress and anxiety as well as in improving my overall appearance.  Under typical conditions, I work out every day except in cases of illness, injury, or travel.

As I have mentioned earlier, many Aspergians suffer from coexisting conditions such as anxiety and depression.  Every year, in addition to the anxiety and depression, I also have to deal with another type of depression known as Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) during the winter months.  In addition to darkening my complexion, I find that twice-weekly visits to a local tanning salon help me to alleviate the depression.  The ultraviolet radiation from the tanning beds, as well as natural sunlight, also helps the human body produce Vitamin D through photosynthesis.  To minimize the risks of skin cancer and other skin damage, moderation is the key.  I often wonder if the sunscreens we use while at the beach or the lotions we use at the tanning salon could actually be carcinogenic.

I have always been a Road Warrior at heart, hence the domain name for my personal website, RoadWarrior7.net.  Whenever time, weather, and funds permit, I like to pack my bags, fuel up my car, and take a nice long road trip to clear my mind.  Even when I was delivering pizzas, I often volunteered to take the more distant deliveries and my bosses and colleagues could never understand why.  My greatest thrill during my long tenure at Papa John’s Pizza in Champaign, Illinois was the opportunity to take several week-long business trips to locations in Southern Indiana where I trained new drivers.  The fact that the company paid for all of my food, fuel, and lodging expenses made these trips even more enjoyable.  I even spent several summers as a guest driver in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina and used the experiences from these road trips as the basis for my two novels.  Whenever I take to the open road, I feel an incredible sense of peace.

One of my focused interests is architecture.  I wanted to be an architect when I was growing up, but I was unable to take the prerequisite drafting courses in high school.  I majored in Computer Science instead.  I like to wander around hotels, office buildings, and the like in order to check them out from an architectural perspective.  When I delivered pizzas in Myrtle Beach, I had plenty of opportunities to explore different hotels while on the job.  Whenever I watch a sports event on TV, I like to pay close attention to the design of the stadium or arena.  Whenever I find myself in an overload condition, I might grab a pen and paper and draw some sketches or floor plans of places I have seen.  If only architectural firms such as HK and Populous would see some of my drawings, they might even offer me a job.  I like to draw other pictures as well.

Another coping technique that usually works for me is to listen to some good music, usually classic rock or smooth jazz.  I like to pick up a guitar or sit down at a piano every chance I get and play whatever comes to mind.  For example, I like to sit down at an electronic keyboard just before a date and pretend that I am the organist at the ballpark just before the big game.  Like the architectural drawings, it also has a calming effect on me.  A music store is like a playground to me.  I have a dream of having my own music studio where I would be able to compose and record my own music.  My ideal musical arsenal would consist of two full-size electronic keyboards, a Vocoder (a voice-altering synthesizer), an M4000D Digital Mellotron, a set of Taurus pedals, a Fender Stratocaster electric guitar, a Fender Precision Bass guitar, Oscar Schmidt acoustic 6-string, 12-string, and bass guitars, and an electronic drum kit.  I would also like to one day purchase 5.1 surround sound recording software for my computer.  

An Aspergian View of Personality Testing for Employment

One of the greatest challenges for any Aspergian is landing a job that is appropriate for our level of 
education and talents. In addition to online job applications and background checks that are becoming 
increasingly invasive of our personal privacy, including credit checks and social network profiling, 
personality pre-employment screening is quickly becoming a common feature in corporate America today. 
Awaiting job applicants at many major retailers such as Costco, Pizza Hut, Sears, Best Buy, and Target 
are 100 questions designed to measure personality compatibility before an interview is even scheduled. A 
major roadblock in the job-hunting process for most Aspergians is the dreaded personality test that is part 
of most online employment applications. 

The 100 questions on the personality test range from comfort levels in crowds to an applicant’s opinion 
about the legal system. Applicants are given a score- color-coded green, yellow, or red- that indicates 
which applicants are worth interviewing in person, with little regard for actual work experience. I 
downloaded a list of the questions on the Unicru test, along with an answer key, from the Internet and 
studied each question carefully. The choice of responses for each question is "Strongly Agree”, 
“Somewhat Agree”, “Somewhat Disagree”, or “Strongly Disagree.” All of the correct answers are either 
of the extreme choices, “Strongly Agree,” or “Strongly Disagree”. There is no allowance for moderation 
of opinion on the test. The test clearly places a strong emphasis on conformity, diplomacy, and 
extroversion…which are not Aspergian traits. Those applications which score in the red zone are not 
even considered fit enough to be sent to the manager’s inbox for consideration. Such hiring managers 
cannot even consider interviewing, much less hiring, many very talented applicants because their test 
scores do not conform to the profile sought in the screening process. 

My personal experience with this testing is completely negative. I submitted dozens of online 
applications and was never called for an interview. I answered every question as honestly as I could and 
failed the test every time as a result of my honesty. Many people around me tell me that I should cheat on 
the test in order to get a job, but money means absolutely nothing to me if I cannot maintain my own 
integrity. There is no proper way to determine employment eligibility based on a system of “right” or 
“wrong” answers to questions that are highly subject to opinion, without an applicant having an 
opportunity to explain his or her answers. These personality tests offer no such opportunity. An even 
greater flaw is the fact that there is no opportunity to discuss one’s answers with the hiring manager as the 
application never reaches the manager’s desk because the test criteria screen it out. Therefore, I actively 
avoid applying to companies that use personality testing as a pre-employment screening tool. 

Ethical Principles to Guide Us

In this blog entry, we will discuss six ethical principles that Aspergians should use to guide their attitudes and behaviors when dealing with the world.

The first principle to guide us is the Golden Rule.  Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  The Golden Rule is the principle to guide our sense of justice and fairness.  We must put ourselves in the place of others.  If we think of ourselves as the subject of any decision we make, then we can think more about fairness in the decision-making process.

The second principle to guide us is Immanuel Kant’s Categorical Imperative.  If an action is not right for everyone to take, then it is not right for anyone to take.  Aspergians have absolutely no tolerance for any form of hypocrisy.  If everyone were to take a particular action, what would our organization, or society, be like?  Let this be fair warning to those in positions of authority over our lives, such as parents, teachers, employers, and civil authorities.  Don’t ever let us catch you doing something that you specifically tell us not to do.  The familiar argument that “rank has its privileges” does not go over well with our sense of justice and fairness.

The third principle to guide us is Descartes’ Rule of Change.  If an action cannot be taken repeatedly, then it is not right to be taken at any time.  Another name for this principle is “The Slippery Slope Principle.”  An action may bring about a small change that is acceptable in the short term, but if repeated would bring about unacceptable changes in the long term.  We must be very careful about the precedents we set for those who follow us.

The fourth principle to guide us is the Utilitarian Principle.  Take the action that achieves the higher or greater value.  This rule assumes that we can prioritize values in a rank order and understand the consequences of various courses of action.  This principle is reflected in our desire to dispense with the small talk and social pleasantries…and get down to business.

The fifth principle to guide us is the Risk Aversion Principle.  Take the action that causes the least amount of harm or incurs the least potential cost to yourself and others.

The sixth principle to guide us is the Ethical “No Free Lunch” Rule.  Assume that all tangible and intangible objects are owned by someone else, unless there is a specific declaration otherwise, and that the creator wants compensation for this work.  The in-text citations you see throughout this book, along with the bibliography at the end, are evidence of my effort to comply with this rule so as to avoid any appearance of plagiarism on my part.

Social and Communicative Challenges for Aspergians

Unlike most people with Kanner, or "Classic" Autism who are socially withdrawn, many Aspergians try very hard to be social when we become aware of the need for social interaction in our lives…and will approach other people, albeit awkwardly.  At least, we are willing to reach out to others.  We may engage in long-winded or one-sided conversations with others about our favorite subjects.  We are often unaware of the nonverbal cues of disinterest or discomfort that others may give.   This apparent disregard for the feelings and sensitivities of other people may be mistakenly interpreted as insensitivity, inconsideration, and/or downright rudeness on our part.  Such misunderstandings often lead to social rejection, physical violence, and/or police involvement.  We certainly mean no offense to others.

While we may be able to use our cognitive abilities to articulate social norms in a tightly controlled environment, we have a great deal of difficulty acting upon this knowledge in real life.   While most people find social interaction exhilirating, we find them to be physically and mentally draining because we have to consciously think about what to say and do around other people.  I rarely have any difficulty talking to one or two close friends who accept me for who I am, but when I am at a large group gathering, such as at a party or even at a church service, I get overwhelmed quite easily.  If you notice that I am not looking directly at you when you talk to me, please be assured that I am paying attention to you.  I can usually focus on only one sensory input channel at a time.  There is certainly no rudeness or disrespect intended on my part.

If the entire world is a stage and we are merely actors, then would someone please pass me a script?  I have no idea what is happening or how I should act here.  For an Aspergian, learning the rules of social interaction is very similar to learning a foreign language.  We can learn the vocabulary, structure, and syntax of a new language much more easily than we can learn the subtle nuances, or the pragmatics, of that language.

Aspergians are well known for their strict adherence to rules and policies…even when those rules and policies make no practical sense.  Even worse, I often find some of my own rules to be contradictory.  In other words, I cannot follow one rule without violating another.  Is it any wonder I am so confused?  For example, if I follow the rules of speaking only when directly spoken to and going only where I am explicitly invited, then how do I reach out to others?  I am one who feels compelled to abide by company conduct policies even when I am off duty.  The probable reason for this is because I believe that one should always conduct oneself according to a single set of rules in order to avoid any confusion.  I cannot tolerate any inconsistencies. 

Coming Out of a Different Closet

The following is an example of a letter, originally prepared by the Asperger Association of New England, which I would use to disclose and explain my condition or, in other words, “come out” to a new employer.


11 September 2010

Mr. John Holmes
ABC Company
201 W. Springfield Avenue, #1200
Champaign, IL 61820

Dear Mr. Holmes:

Thank you very much for giving me the opportunity to work for ABC Company. I am looking forward to beginning work, and will try very hard to understand and fulfill all of my job responsibilities successfully. In this letter, I would like to offer you some important personal information that may affect how I perform in my new job. As you may already know, I have Asperger Syndrome (AS for short). It may be helpful if you, as my supervisor at ABC Company, understand some characteristics of AS, and some reasonable accommodations for my different learning style, so that I can become a good employee who will contribute to ABC Company’s success. Asperger Syndrome is a form of Autism characterized by normal to superior IQ, accompanied by social and communication difficulties. These difficulties stem from neurologically based sensory and information-processing disabilities. Even though I may look just like everyone else, my mind works in a significantly different way, and sometimes my behavior and reactions will not be typical.

There is wide variation in the abilities and personalities of individuals with AS, but we do have a lot in common. I have difficulty understanding another person’s perspective and reading messages that are conveyed by facial expression, or body language. This means that it is likely I will not understand office politics or I will occasionally put my foot in my mouth. On the positive side, once I understand the tasks and routines necessary to my job, I will perform them faithfully. I am honest and good-hearted. With skillful supervision, you can minimize the impact of my differences, and make the best use of my many talents and abilities. Here is a list of some suggestions for the kinds of accommodations that could help me feel comfortable and be a good employee. It would help if you, as my supervisor, can:

• Give me a written job description that spells out all of my responsibilities in detail.

• Give me specific, detailed, instructions for each new task that you assign to me.

• Present all new information in writing, rather than just orally.

• Give me a little extra time or coaching to master a new task or absorb new information.

• If possible, meet with me briefly at the beginning of each day to review and prioritize the day’s agenda, and to forewarn me about any upcoming changes in the schedule/routine. (If more convenient, we could meet at the end of each day to preview the next workday.) I can adapt well and handle abrupt transitions or surprises if I am forewarned.

• Let me know to whom I should turn (and when and how) with questions about my work assignments - to you, and/or an identified co-worker?

• Give me an explicit, detailed list of rules governing workplace protocol around such matters as appropriate dress, timing and length of breaks, when and where conversation with other employees is allowed. (I will probably not be able to intuit these rules for myself.)

• Try to allow me to focus on and complete one task at a time. If an interruption is unavoidable, please allow me a short time to adjust.

• If I say or do something inappropriate, I do not intend to be rude – I may just be neurologically overwhelmed. If this happens, please just give a chance to take a break and calm myself. Later we can discuss how to handle similar situations better.

• Try to avoid assigning me tasks where there are pressing deadlines, difficult personalities to deal with, or other factors that can ignite my anxieties.

• Understand that even though I may not make eye contact with you while you are speaking to me, I am listening to you. (It is often difficult to process both auditory and visual information simultaneously.)

• Meet with me regularly and frequently to let me know how I am doing. Acknowledge whatever I am doing well. If you need to give me negative feedback, the most effective approach is to suggest in a calm and neutral way any concrete steps I can take to correct the mistakes.

• Due to our “disability”, people with AS have trouble understanding other people’s viewpoints. I may sometimes say things that are unintentionally hurtful or abrupt. I may need your feedback to realize this behavior is inappropriate, and replace it with more acceptable behavior.

• Recognize and accept my social or sensory limitations. Limit the amount of contact I have with the general public, and the amount of time I must interact with large groups or work in noisy settings. After working with a group, I may need a “sensory break” – a walk to the mailbox, or some time working alone at a task in a quiet part of the office.

• Be patient and flexible. If you give directions and feedback calmly, I will feel less anxious, and can perform my best work for you.

• Help me decide if other people in the company should know I have AS. If personnel officers and co-workers can show understanding and accept me for who I am, they can help me succeed.

• Be compassionate. I have met with a great deal of misunderstanding and failure in the past, despite my best efforts to meet society’s expectations. Although I may not always remember to express my thanks verbally, I will reward your patient supervisory efforts with a solid, reliable work performance.

If you would like more information, you are welcome to call the Asperger Association of New England (AANE). AANE is a small non-profit agency founded in 1996, with a mission of fostering awareness, respect, acceptance, and support for individuals with Asperger Syndrome. They provide programs for individuals with AS, their families, and those in the community who work with them, including employers. You are always welcome to call them, to tap into their knowledge and experience of AS. They can refer you to additional resources. They can be reached at 1-617-383-3824. Thank you very much for taking the time to think about this important information. I look forward to working with you.

Sincerely,

William D. Lawless, MBA

Research Analyst

When writing the actual letter to an employer, I strongly recommend that an Aspergian use only the above bullet points that are directly relevant to his/her personal situation and to the position. I would also recommend making the disclosure to colleagues and clients only on a need-to-know basis. My personal experience is that not everyone is as understanding or as accepting as they should be. Many people fear what they do not understand. The diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome should be otherwise mentioned only when certain types of inappropriate behavior are noticed as the behaviors are usually the result of the differences in how we perceive the world around us and are not malicious in nature.

My Current Project

As you have probably noticed on the heading of this blog, I am currently writing a book about Asperger Syndrome through the eyes of a man who has the condition.  Some people have asked me about the condition.  I don't like to think of Asperger Syndrome as a disease because it is literally a difference in how my brain is wired.  As such, it is no more a disease than is being left-handed...or being gay.  In my book, I will share some of the science surrounding Asperger Syndrome and share some of my personal experiences related to the condition.  In future postings on this blog, I will share with you what I have learned in order to give you a better understanding of the many challenges we Aspergians (as those with AS like to be called) face on a daily basis.  I have noticed a great deal of misinformation in the mass media about Asperger Syndrome and would like to clear the air with my book and this blog. 

I have written a diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome into the character of David Lawrence, my narrator in both of my novels, "Topless Delivery - The Myrtle Beach Experience" and "Forever Autumn - The Myrtle Beach Experience Continues," in an endeavor to raise public awareness of Asperger Syndrome and other Autism Spectrum Disorders. 

A Personal Perspective

A Personal Perspective

After many years of trying in vain to explain, and to apologize, to everyone around me for what they perceive to be insensitive, inconsiderate, and/or downright offensive behavior in many of my attempts at social interaction, I went home to my only constant companion, my laptop computer, in search of an explanation.  The results of a couple of online self-diagnostic tests, confirmed by a proper evaluation at the University of Illinois Psychological Services Center, helped me to reach the unsettling reality that I am indeed afflicted with "The Horrible Asp," also known as Asperger Syndrome, which is a high-functioning form of Autism.

Growing up in a special education environment at a time when my inclusion in a regular school setting was considered potentially dangerous to myself, other students, and teachers, one could only imagine the rejection, loneliness, and isolation that had become my daily childhood experience.  Such social isolation only made a bad situation worse, as I rarely had an opportunity to develop the social skills needed to grow and evolve as a complete person.  Most attempts to socialize with my peers were met with rejection and derision, so I preferred to keep completely to myself.  Whenever my parents or sisters had company at the house, I usually disappeared into my room and locked the door.  To socialize with others would be seen as torture.  As you can imagine, I had very few friends despite my best efforts and intentions.  My first incusion in a regular school environment was as a freshman in high school and it was not at all a pretty sight.  In spite of my academic success throughout high school, my extreme shyness and inability to relate to my classmates, especially to the ladies, in any meaningful way made life in high school almost unbearable for me.  College life at the University of Illinois was even worse.  No fraternity on campus would accept me.  No employer would hire me.  No woman with any regard for her reputation, especially if she belonged to a sorority, wanted to be seen anywhere near me.  That degree of constant rejection also severely hurt my grade point average because of the severe depression that resulted.  Even when I sought help at the Counseling Center on campus, I was told that there was a four-month waiting list for counseling services.  I felt very unwelcome on campus and in my own community.  I transferred to a smaller school closer to home, where I actually made a few friends in the Student Senate and completed my degree.

Even in adulthood, I still have a great deal of difficulty making friends and establishing social, especially dating, relationships of any kind for I am still very uncomfortable in most social situations, including the workplace.  Although I have earned a Master's degree in Business Administration and have written and self-published two novels, I have difficulty establishing the social connections needed to land any kind of relevant employment.  As a result, I am very unhappy in my current pizza delivery job because I know deep down that I am worth much more than the way I am living.  Those of us who have been "bitten by the Horrible Asp," as I sometimes refer to those people with Asperger Syndrome, have many behavioral, sensory, and self-esteem challenges that we must face on a daily basis.  Potential employers would be wise to understand these challenges and to use my creative talents and energies, as well as appeal to my strong sense of justice and fairness, rather than put me in a box with rules and regulations that I usually find senseless.  While I will not blindly follow the rules for the sake of conformity, I am willing to accept and abide by those rules that are fair and equitable to all concerned.  I have absolutely no tolerance for any form of hypocrisy.  If an action is not right for one person to take, then it is not right for anyone to take.

There are many people who mistakenly believe that I have no empathy or consideration for others.  Contrary to popular belief, I care very deeply about the thoughts and feelings of others...often to a fault.  However, my greatest challenge is in appropriately expressing that empathy such that others can easily understand.  I would prefer to show my real feelings in a way that is uniquely my own.  It is often said that "mediocrity seeks safety in standardization," and that "great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."  Both of these quotes by Dr. Albert Einstein are true.  A critical lesson that I learned over the years is that anything we think, say, or do will offend someone.  Furthermore, that happens because people choose, either consciously or unconsciously, to take offense in order to control the thought, words, and actions of others.  While I endeavor to respect the feelings and opinions of others, I refuse to allow them to control my life.  Material wealth is meaningless to me unless I can maintain my own integrity.

To quote a line from the chorus of a favorite song by the Animals, "I'm just a soul whose intentions are good.  O Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood."

Asperger Syndrome is a difference, not a disease.